Most people tell you these super romantic stories of knowing their spouse was "the one" the moment they first laid eyes on them in elementary or that they were high school sweethearts. Blah blah blah. For most people love isn't like that. My love life was not like that at all, actually.
One of the most popular questions for couples when you meet new people is, "how did you meet?" (but we all know the most popular question is, "when are you guys having kids?" but that's besides the point). Jonathan and I always say, "through a mutual friend" and we leave it at that most of the time. Although, the way we met and ended up together is a pretty funny story but I'll elaborate more on that story another time. Maybe.
DATING AS A MILLENNIAL WAS HARD. I know it is still hard for a lot of my peers. Most people who are not in our generation don't understand why it's so difficult and why more and more people are choosing to get married later in life or not at all. It's not easy to find a mate when everyone is so readily available to the next Joe Shmoe out there via social media, a text, all of the dating apps and the thousands of messaging apps, etc. Furthermore, no one wants to reveal their real emotions out of fear that the other person is not feeling the same way or because they are dating multiple people. This is an unpopular opinion but you cannot find your spouse by dating multiple people at once. How could you? You don't get to truly know someone like that. Our generation is scared of emotional rejection and also of emotional attachment. I was one of those people. Just scared to reveal too much in fear that the other person wouldn't feel the same way. Scared to not truly be myself and stand my ground on my true beliefs. I didn't know that at the time but I didn't let anyone into my real personal world. I kept my personal life and dating life separate. Weird, I know.
So how did I know Jonathan was "the one"? There wasn't one specific moment or conversation but it was a series of events and most importantly a series of actions. Honestly, the first time I hung out with Jonathan as a friend I didn't want to date him. I actually told him I wasn't interested in dating anyone.
5 Ways I Knew
1. I knew on our first date. Gasp! Yes, I knew then. How did I know? He was very open about everything from his spirituality to his business. He also prayed over our food on the first date which most people don't do. After our first date, I felt like I had known him for years. We were pretty much inseparable after that initial date.
2. He was direct about his intentions. He never left me wondering if our friendship was ever going to go anywhere. From the beginning he said, " I want to court you". Yes, those were his exact words. It kind of scared me because back then I did not want anything serious. At least I thought I didn't.
3. He's quiet and I'm pretty quiet but together we had the best conversations. They weren't those surface level conversations either! It was easy. It wasn't forced.
4. Before we got engaged, we faced some struggles and I was ready to leave but again his words remained true and he SHOWED me he was serious about our future.
5. I made a list of what I wanted in a partner yearsssss ago! I think around the year 2008 or maybe 2009. I prayed over the list that contained over 30 things (My list was very specific and my brain told me my list was ridiculous and I would never find someone like that but my heart had hope. lol). In 2014, when Jonathan and I dated, he checked off most things on that list. I'll say like 29/30.
He was open, direct, easy to talk to, serious about marriage and everything I prayed for. I hear a lot of people say they lose hope in finding love but sometimes women look for love in the wrong places. Men do, too! All of the red flags are there or maybe even ONE red fag and we choose to ignore it in hopes that the person may be the one we are looking for. I'm not here to give advice but rather speak from my own experience. Dating is trial and error but make sure your errors or fears don't stop you from finding someone special. It's okay to be vulnerable and to be hurt. I learned so much from my past hurt and it made me appreciate my husband that much more.